Late Nite Threeway
by Tsuyucchi
Summary: Shinra calls his bestbuds, Shizuo and Izaya, for some romantic advice at 3AM. Topics ranging from Celty to a sexy twosome between Shizuo and Izaya are discussed. Shinra's lovesick, Shizuo's cranky, and Izaya's just...Izaya. crack!Shizaya ONESHOT/fixed


A/N- drrr! has been my absolute love for these past few weeks and i've decided to materialize that love in the form of a crackish, lulz, fluff fic. i'm sure izaya would approve. the title is total yaoi bait, no? you'll have to forgive me b/c most of this fic is dialogue. sorry. cursing is PHUN.

**Pairings: Shizuo/Izaya, Shrina/Celty, and some demented Shinra/Shizuo/Izaya LOL triangle**

**Edit: went back and corrected shinra's name. i think i got them all. o_o;; shinra's name...y u so difficult for me to spelll. DD':**

Disclaimer- durarara belongs to narita

* * *

><p><strong>Late Nite Threeway<strong>

oxo

Shinra paced the wooden expanse of his bedroom's floor with swift practice, his mind swarming with worried thoughts. Most of them, as usual, somehow related back to Celty. It was around 2AM, but the underground doctor could not find it within himself to fall asleep when such an important event was to occur the moment he awoke. His mind was racing and kept running crazy/failed scenarios of tomorrow in his head. It was truly unbearable. Tomorrow would undoubtably be one of the biggest and most important day of his life. And Shinra couldn't fall asleep for the life of him.

How could he face Celty for their first date tomorrow if he kept nodding off throughout the day due of loss of sleep?

Yes, Shinra and Celty's first date would take place the next day. Well, er, technically the day had already begun but, uhm...shut up. Shinra had finally worked up enough nerve to outright ask his beloved dullahan on a date tomorrow at noon and to his relief and joy, she'd typed in 'Sure. I'd love to, Shinra.' into her PDA.

Right then and there Shinra could melted into a puddle of happy goo, but there was shit to be done. He had to plan out their date, where to go, what mode of transportation to take, what to do, etc. All key elements in making sure his date with Celty went off without a hitch and would help her realize she reciprocated Shinra's undying love for her. (He knew she did. Celty just showed her affection differently- via jabs in the gut and such) However right when Shinra was about to sit his ass down and plan out his spectacular date, he'd received a call from one of his more 'important' patients, asking for his help immediately. Duty calls, and so Shinra had to go out and spend the rest of his day helping his benefactor.

When the doctor had finally arrived back home he could do nothing more than just trudge his way to his room and collapse onto his bed in fatigue with every intention to simply sleep as though his life depended on that.

That's when he remembered he had a date with Celty Sturlson tomorrow, and that he hadn't done any planning whatsoever yet.

Oh, _shit_.

Thus bringing Shinra to his current predicament, pacing about in his room, mentally shitting himself for tomorrow.

With nothing coming to mind and his being in deep shit, Shinra decided to go about things the cliche way. Ask his friends for help. Yeah...yeah! Friends were supposed to be there for you when you needed them, right? The people who came to mind first were Shizuo, Kadota, and Izaya. But wait, Kadota and his rag-tag gang of otakus were out of town this week. That only left Shizuo and Izaya. Hm...they'd have to do. Shinra glanced at the digital clock sitting on his bedside. 2:45 AM. Damn, might as well. Friendship came first, suck it eight hours of healthy sleep a day.

XDXDXD

_Brringgg!_

_Brrriiinggg!_

"...Ugh...duh fuck?" Shizuo groaned as he rolled over on his bed, reaching for his loudass cellphone. He glanced at the caller ID, it was Shinra. Ugh, seriously? What the hell could he want at three in the morning? The blonde answered the call, grunting back "What.".

"Heheh, did I wake you up, Shizu-chan? Sorrrryyyy~" was the response he got. Shizuo's eyes snapped open in anger. That goddamn flea...

"Izaya, stop it." that voice was clearly Shinra. "Uh, hey, Shizuo. Sorry to bother you." Shizuo sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"If you were really sorry you wouldn't have called me in the first place. What do you want?" he asked.

"That doesn't make sense, Shizu-chan." Izaya commented. Shizuo did himself a favor and ignored that.

A nervous laughter echoed from the phone before Shinra spoke. "Well I already explained it to Izaya, but I'll just get to the point." A deep inhale of breathe. "I'm going out with Celty tomorrow. For a date. Our first one."

Silence.

"Congratulations." Shizuo said blandly.

"That's what I said." Izaya said gleefully. Still ignoring him. It wasn't like Shizuo could beat the flea's ass through the phone.

"Uh, thanks. Again. But anyways, I need your help. Izaya's too."

"That's me!" God, he could even be just as annoying through the phone.

"Yeah. I need your guys' help to figure out where to take Celty tomorrow. I keep drawing blanks."

"What makes you think I would know where to take her. Or that I even care." Shizuo responded, considering the idea of hanging up and going back to bed.

"'Cause you're my friend..." He could sense Shrina's puppy-dog face from the other line. Ugh..

"And friends help friends, Shizzy-chan."

"Fuck off, you're not my friend, you dumb flea."

"Ooh! I really felt that one. Do it again, Shizu-chan. And again, and again, and again." Izaya drawled, his voice nothing but a low murmur at the end. Shizuo swallowed and focused more on his scowl. Even if neither of the two could see it.

"You're a fuckin' fruit, you know that." he said in response.

"I know you are, but what am I?" was Izaya's immature retort.

"A bitch." Shizuo bit back.

"Guys! Guys! C'mon, focus! Help me think of a place to take Celty! This is really important to me, you know." Shinra said, bringing the two boys back to reality. Shizuo sighed.

"I dunno. Take her anywhere."

"But where!" Shinra persisted.

"A place." Shizuo said.

"A place where!" Shizuo's eyebrow twitched. Shinra was starting to sound like the flea.

"A place anywhere!" he barked.

"But where!" Izaya. That dumb bitch...

"I don't care where! Just take her somewhere where she won't like, die or anything!" Shizuo said, exasperated.

A gasp. "You think I'd even consider taking my precious Celty somewhere even remotely dangerous? Shizuo, how could you." Shinra muttered.

"Ugh.."

"Just take Celty to the park or something for a nice walk. Then go get something to eat at that new restaurant that opened up at Sunshine 60. Afterwards go out and see the sights in Ikebukuro and Shinjuku. She's always running deliveries, right? When was the last time she got to go sightseeing around town?" Izaya suggested, being surprising helpful. This did not go unnoticed between Shizuo and Shinra.

"Uh..wow, Izaya. That's a great idea. Thanks! I think I'll just do that." Shinra thanked the strangely helpful 'flea'.

"No problem. I'm an informant afterall, I know all the hotspots and junk." Izaya replied, taking in the gratitude.

"Hmph. But you're still a flea." Shizuo muttered.

"Love you too, Shizu-chan."

"I'll kill you one day, I swear." Shizuo growled.

"I'll kill you too one day as well." Izaya said lightly, making it sound as if they were making a marriage promise or something.

"Fuck you." the blonde spat.

"I'd rather you do it, actually." Izaya admitted slyly. Shizuo ignored the flush of color that had appeared on his cheeks.

"I'm worried our date isn't going to turn out good.." Shinra spoke worriedly into the phone. Shizuo felt a small frown tug at his lips. Shinra really needed more confidence than this. If he couldn't see that he and Celty were made for each other, then hell. Romance be damned. Shinra had a thing for mythical chicks with no heads riding motorcycles and Celty was a headless mythical being transplanted into Ikebukuro who rode around on a haunted motorcycle. The angels in heaven _had_ to have carved them out for one another.

Shizuo was about to speak and say just that but Izaya interrupted him.

"Hey-" cut off by the flea.

"You're fine, Shinra. It's the perfect date and you kids will have lots of fun. Besides, I doubt you were gonna get laid on the first date anyway." Oh. So smooth, Izaya. Like sandpaper.

"T-That's not what I wanted!" Shinra sputtered, his embarrassment practically oozing from the phone's speaker. "I mean, y-yeah, maybe like..one day...when we're really really in love...and the p-passion just overwhelms us...wait! Why am I saying this?"

"I don't know. Why _are _you saying that?" Izaya asked quizzically.

Shinra sighed. "Izaya..."

"Whatever. Look, if the worst happens you still have Shizzy and I!"

"You say that as if it's pre-determined.." Shizuo muttered.

"'Cause it is. We're a sexy looking bunch, y'know." Izaya said matter-of-factly.

"I...za...ya..." Shizuo growled dangerously.

"We're already having this three-way right now, yeah?"

"A three-way _phone call_. Because it's over the _phone_." Shinra explained.

"Even kinkier."

"I...za...ya...!" Shizuo said again.

"Uh, no thanks, Izaya. I've got Celty. You two can have eachother. Haha!" Shinra really wasn't making it any better.

"So that just leaves a sexy twosome?"

"That's just regular sex. Only, I guess, anal. Between you two.." Shinra added awkwardly.

"Sweetttt." Izaya drawled. "Since I'm just a nice information broker and totally not a bad guy, I'll let Shizu-chan top. Be gentle, Shizu-chan. Don't break me~"

"Haha, that's nice.." Shinra replied. "Oh! It's getting really late. I've got to go now if I don't wanna look like a zombie tomorrow. Bye, guys. Thanks again." Shinra said, hanging up on his end, leaving it just to Shizuo and Izaya's lonesome.

"Bye, Shinra. Have fun on your hot date tomorrow~" Izaya chuckled. "Hey, Shizu-chan. You doing anything tomorrow?" he asked suggestively. That was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"Listen up, you bitchass flea, if I see your fugly face tomorrow at Ikebukuro, I'm going to bust a cap in your bitch ass, hear me? I will literally _rip you _a new ass_hole_." Shizuo threatened angrily.

"That sounds like a date! Alright, count me in. See you tomorrow..._Shizuo_." Izaya breathed out, nearly whispering Shizuo's name. A shiver ran up Shizuo's spine, much to his displeasure and denial.

"I hate you. So much." Shizuo replied, hanging up.

But not before he caught Izaya's last few words.

"You know that's not true."

God, he hated that flea.

* * *

><p>AN- typed. in ONE fucking sitting. hell yeah, bitch! yup. mm. that's the end. did i entertainnnnn you all, my lovely new durarara audience? this is my first fic for this fandom. it's a pretty solid one in my opinion. as you can see i'm all about the LULZ and haha!funnybuttsecks!fluff of shizaya.

i love both the dub and sub of drrr!, johnny young bosch as izaya? SEXXXXXX. and crispin freeman. HRGNNNGHHHH. episode four's coming out tonight, hope they don't fuck up any of the other voices. this has the making to become my no.1 dub. ever. (fuck off, fma brofest)

i've only gotten to like ep17 of drrr! so DON'T give me any spoilers or so help me, i rage like no other has raged before. -.-

like what you see? REVIEW! tell me what you think! maybe i'll write moarrrrr durarara fics! there's certainly enough inspiration! XDD

**Edit: shinra's name. ugh. i'll never know how that misspelling escaped me. /SHAME.**


End file.
